function thoughts()
{
//55
var ranNum= Math.round(Math.random() * 55);
if (ranNum == 0){document.write('We, like the hourglass, seldom accomplish anything when horizontal.'); }

if (ranNum == 1){document.write('On the other hand, you have different fingers.'); }

if (ranNum == 2){document.write('Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.'); }


if (ranNum == 3){document.write('I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.'); }


if (ranNum == 4){document.write('When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.'); }


if (ranNum == 5){document.write('Seen it all, done it all, can\'t remember most of it.'); }


if (ranNum == 6){document.write('I feel like I\'m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.'); }


if (ranNum == 7){document.write('He\'s not dead, he\'s electroencephalographically challenged.'); }


if (ranNum == 8){document.write('You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.'); }


if (ranNum == 9){document.write('Honk if you love peace and quiet.'); }


if (ranNum == 10){document.write('Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?'); }


if (ranNum == 11){document.write('Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.'); }


if (ranNum == 12){document.write('It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.'); }


if (ranNum == 13){document.write('Just remember...if the world didn\'t suck, we\'d all fall off.'); }


if (ranNum == 14){document.write('The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there\'s a 90% probability you\'ll get it wrong.'); }


if (ranNum == 15){document.write('It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.'); }


if (ranNum == 16){document.write('You can\'t have everything, where would you put it?'); }


if (ranNum == 17){document.write('Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world\'s population.'); }


if (ranNum == 18){document.write('The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.'); }


if (ranNum == 19){document.write('A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.'); }


if (ranNum == 20){document.write('It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.'); }


if (ranNum == 21){document.write('Everybody lies, but it doesn\'t matter since nobody listens.'); }


if (ranNum == 22){document.write('I wish the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.'); }


if (ranNum == 23){document.write('I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.'); }


if (ranNum == 24){document.write('Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.'); }

if (ranNum == 25){document.write('The problem isn\'t that there are not enough people with common sense; the problem is that there aren\'t enough people with uncommon sense.'); }

if (ranNum == 26){document.write('When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "What do you need?"'); }

if (ranNum == 27){document.write('NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don\'t?'); }

if (ranNum == 28){document.write('I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet... he said "postage dew".'); }

if (ranNum == 29){document.write('Don\'t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.'); }

if (ranNum == 30){document.write('A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you\'re in deep water.'); }

if (ranNum == 31){document.write('Odd that when a house burns down, the only things left standing are the chimney and the fireplace.'); }

if (ranNum == 32){document.write('How dangerous could a fax be, if the pen is mightier than the sword and a picture is worth a thousand words?'); }

if (ranNum == 33){document.write('There are two types of roads in our country. One is under construction and the other is under repair.'); }

if (ranNum == 34){document.write('Yesterday is experience, tomorrow is hope, today is getting from one to the other.'); }
if (ranNum == 35){document.write('When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to remember that your original intent was to drain the swamp.'); }
if (ranNum == 36){document.write('God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.'); }
if (ranNum == 37){document.write('A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.'); }
if (ranNum == 38){document.write('Yesterday today was tomorrow yet tomorrow today will be yesterday.'); } 
if (ranNum == 39){document.write('Always keep several get well cards on the mantle. If unexpected guests arrive, they\'ll think you\'ve been sick and unable to clean.'); } 
if (ranNum == 40){document.write('Of course I don\'t look busy ... I did it right the first time.');} 
if (ranNum == 41){document.write('People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of things they weren\'t so crazy about the first time around.'); } 
if (ranNum == 42){document.write('Do you realize that in about 40 years, we\'ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?'); }
if (ranNum == 43){document.write('Man and the turtle are very much alike. Neither makes any progress without sticking his neck out.'); } 
if (ranNum == 44){document.write('I have no problem keeping secrets. It\'s the people I tell...'); } 
if (ranNum == 45){document.write('I asked my wife if old men wear boxers or briefs? -- She said Depends...'); }
if (ranNum == 46){document.write('The only trouble with retirement... you never get a dam day off.'); }
if (ranNum == 47){document.write('You know you\'re getting old when... you throw a wild party and the neighbors don\'t even realize it.'); }
if (ranNum == 48){document.write('Sometimes I wake up grumpy... and sometimes I let him sleep.'); }
if (ranNum == 49){document.write('The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly... and lie about your age.'); }
if (ranNum == 50){document.write('I\'m not old. I\'m chronologically gifted.'); }
if (ranNum == 51){document.write('Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'); }
if (ranNum == 52){document.write('When did my wild oats turn to prunes and bran?'); }
if (ranNum == 53){document.write('My wife always gives me sound advice... 99% sound, 1% advice.'); }
if (ranNum == 54){document.write('Never do anything you wouldn\'t want to explain to the paramedics.'); }
if (ranNum == 55){document.write('You know you\'re getting older when Happy Hour is a nap.'); }
}